"Little Riley...C'mhere!"

So I've got a "Secret Santa" at work. And it's a guy I've met once. So I wrote him a letter that goes like this...

Ho Ho Ho,

Psst! C'mhere! C'mhere! I got some things to tell you! I know everything about Watergate and aliens! I can tell you where there are weapons of mass destruction! And I expect cookies in exchange. Why? Because I'm Secret Santa. Wait, don't go! Come back here! One time, when I was in middle school, I ate a crayon. That's a secret...about me. Trust me. I'm Secret Santa. You want another one? Fine. I haven't washed my beard in sixteen years. That's all for now. Secret Santa signing off from...you thought I was going to tell you, didn't you? Some secrets are for Santa's eyes only.

Furtively,
S. Santa


The holiday spirit is alive and well. Yay.